Walking in the Footsteps of Great Statespersons;
the Art of Creating a Sustainable Global Community
by Stephanie Tansey

The International Herald Tribune of February 5, 2004, reported Margaret D. Tutwiler, in her first public appearance as the State Department official in charge of public diplomacy, as saying that America's standing abroad had deteriorated to such an extent that ''it will take us many years of hard, focused work'' to restore it.

''Unfortunately, our country has a problem in far too many parts of the world,'' she said, ''a problem we have regrettably gotten into over many years through both Democratic and Republican administrations, and a problem that does not lend itself to a quick fix or a single solution or a simple plan.''
Undersecretary Tutwiler was referring to the findings of an extensive bipartisan study led by Edward P. Djerejian, a former ambassador to Israel and Syria. The panel asserted that American prestige had dwindled, that much of our nation's charity was overlooked and that the U.S. approach lacked strategic direction.
''The bottom has indeed fallen out of support for the United States,'' Mr. Djerejian, speaking after Ms. Tutwiler, told a Hill subcommittee in his first public presentation of the report.
I think all of us are concerned by the Anti-Americanism we see around us. We may wonder what an individual diplomatic family member can do. I think there is much we can do, at posts around the world and in the Washington, DC area, to help the world see us at our best. Of course we can choose not to make it our business and that is our right as foreign service family members. I think, however, that many of us do want to help in some way but might not realize that we have the experience and skills to start to make a difference.
"Etiquette," Emily Post once said, "is the science of living. It embraces everything. It is the code of sportsmanship and of honor. It is ethics." I think etiquette in this sense and diplomacy have something in common. The kind of diplomacy carried out by true statesmen and stateswomen also has a code of honor and abiding by that code creates good and trusting relationships.

Our contribution is in how we live. We can engage in effective dialogue and collaboration and create an environment that allows for the fusion of ideas and the maturation of relationships. Great representational outreach is an art. Entertaining itself is considered an art in Europe and Japan and hospitality a sacred tradition in much of the world. We have all been struck by the friendliness of other cultures and people. Although most of us only have indirect influence on foreign policy and public relations, we have control over how we engage with people.

With the right intent one can create an environment for effective dialogue, for collaboration, for fusion, and for the deepening of a relationship. How we create such environments for productive dialogue is the question. Perhaps it is a bit about reviving some of the old world social etiquette. The development of dialogue skills also has much to offer the diplomatic world. Today there are many ways to acquire those skills.

We can learn to creatively build bonds of understanding. We can learn to agree to disagree and do so graciously. We can learn to listen to foreign opinions and then lead the way to a degree of mutual respect. We can learn to hear better and change the things in ourselves that hamper that mutual respect. It is amazing how much judgments and assumptions, unconscious and conscious, can close down understanding.

Americans want to be considered as what we believe we are or can be – generous, thoughtful and constructive members of a sustainable global community. A sustainable global community enables the solutions to the big world issues to evolve. We are all in this world together. Global Security, Food, Water and other crises need the contributions of great American citizen ambassadors. We can start by rebuilding our dialogue with the global community so that a sustainable global community can become a reality.

Well, let us talk about it!

Well, let's talk about it!

My husband Bob is the DCM in Ashgabat, Turkmenistan. I have been experimenting here in Ashgabat with several outreach ideas and have interesting experiences to report. I am sure you do outreach of your own as well and found that authentic conversation makes entertaining worthwhile. Whether in your homes, in coffee shops or restaurants, or at receptions. Or international women's groups or school functions. As singles or couples or as families. I know I am always intrigued by the experiences of foreign service spouses. We always have interesting stories to tell.

Well, let us talk about it! I am sure we can bring together what really works and the faux pas will be gleefully acknowledged as well! After all, we are all learning.

I'd like this monthly column to be as interactive and collaborative as possible. We can ask questions, share answers and exchange experiences. We could also, from time to time, create an electronic forum and discuss a particular theme. Everything can be archived by AAFSW for easy reference and perhaps we could even create a book at some point.

Below is the start of my column. Hope you like it!! And tell me if you can offer a better format or add something that I have missed.

Well, let's talk about it! Discussion

Dialogue Skills Question:

What do you do when you entertain to initiate good or friendly conversations?

I become curious about their lives. I ask about their families. I try and listen very seriously. I am not a good listener so I have to concentrate on what they are saying . When they see I am really interested, they will go beyond the niceties and I will find some mutual or interesting point to talk together about.

I was told by a Turkmen that talking about family establishes a friendly relationship. I believe it may be true that talking about family is a very good opener in most places. What do you think?

My daughter taught me something. She always compliments women on their jewelry or appearance, or something in their home, to create an opening for conversation. I have found that this works very well.

Any other ideas?

Outreach Question:

How do you make receptions interesting?

We make it a point to engage our host country nationals and talk about our families. My son is a poet and so was an important official here, so that makes for good conversation. My daughter is studying international relations so there are many points for conversation as well.

At national days we focus on understanding the particular country's culture better and find ways to be friendly. For example at the Saudi National Day we were among the first to sit in their tent and drink coffee. I have found that because I engage with the ambassadors from Muslim countries I am invited to events that others are not.

What do you do?

Etiquette question:

What do you do when you are serving a pork soup and you discover at the last moment that one of your guests is a Moslem and doesn't eat pork?

I was serving Asian food so I quickly made up an egg drop chicken soup with scallions and served it to our Moslem guest.

What have you done?

Good Idea:

We built a wonderful group of friends who are also DCMs and spouses from different countries. We eat dinner together, watch each other's movies, and have gotten to understand better how each other's foreign service operates. The group has also come to consensus on many issues of mutual concern so building the group has been productive as well. We have also succeeded in drawing others to our group to expand the dialogue. I have learned a lot about what interests others and what moves them. Now receptions are so much more fun because we get to see each other and have a good chat.

What kind of outreach do you do? Let us know!

Please send your questions and answers and good ideas to Stephanie Tansey at tansey@usa.net.