The Need for Inter-ethnic Dialogue Right Here in the US

I am on home leave, the kind of vacation in which you look forward to your next assignment if only so that you can be in one place and do the same thing day after day!!

Actually our tour of the US enabled us to get a good feeling about how Americans feel about what is going on in the world. Actually, despite the political campaign – let us not talk about that – I find there are a lot of interesting new trends in the US. I think the interest of young people in this year's elections, new grassroots efforts of all kinds, emerging economic ideas and trends that are more in line with the development of a sustainable world to be encouraging.

We had an interesting discussion, though, with my relatives in New Jersey. This family is not racist, very family-oriented, and have gone out of their way to care for my cousin's father who has Alzheimer's. These are blue collar, secular members of the New Jersey community. A loving family, careful to eat right and live sustainably. My kind of people. All around good American family.

So it was a surprise when I asked questions about the new mosque that is being built in their neighborhood. I asked it so we could find out how people are feeling these days about Muslims here in the US since we are about to head out to Israel.

They were not very happy about the Indians in the mosques. Tying up traffic, taking away their jobs, changing the neighborhood. My cousin said that what she didn't like about them was that the new ethnic groups didn't want to become part of the American society, kept to themselves and that that was un-American. Some of the girls had been over to play with their children, but the Indians didn't seem to make any effort in socializing with the other residents. I thought this was strange since it is my experience that ethnic groups can be quite friendly and welcoming. I wondered how much fear of the unknown had to do with her feelings.

The Indians didn't even like one another. My cousin's husband said that he was on good terms with the Indians at the convenience store. And he was puzzled why these Indians would talk nastily about other Indians who came in and out of the store.

I explained the people going to the mosque were not necessarily from India. Perhaps they were Pakistanis or Arabs because most Indians are Hindu. They looked at me but it took awhile for them to grasp this point. I think they lumped all of them together.

Then I mentioned that the traffic problems caused by the Mosque were not necessarily the fault of the Moslems because it was up to the city to focus on these things before they gave out building permits.

It was quite enlightening to listen and try to understand things from their point of view. My cousin's husband is a car mechanic. It is hard not to be threatened when you never work anymore with white people but only with Hispanics and others. When your neighbors are not familiar and you see your neighborhood changing.

I realized that this disconcerting experience may be happening in a lot of areas. City planners need to become adept in working through the ethnic change in their areas. Learning to be good neighbors takes learning different points of view on all sides. There is a need for intercultural expertise so that tensions will ease and the groups to work well together.

I am sure there is a growing need for people like us once we retire or leave the Foreign Service to help American neighborhoods. Hey! there might be awe might have a whole field in which we are the experts!!
Dialogue Skills Question: Creating a Shift of Mind

“A change of meaning is a change of being.” David Bohm

Dialogue becomes transformational conversation when, through its practice, people tap into another level of awareness, creating a shift in their thinking, actions and relationships with others. Dialogue 241

You probably have some experience with your children or friends where they said something so deep that it changed your perspective, it shifted your mind. Well, you can also do this consciously through developing your dialogue skills. The practice of dialogue helps you deepen your communication with others, enabling, many times through a collaborative practice, a shift of mind for everyone.

Outreach Question: Advice from a Native American

Minneapolis has the most native Americans outside reservations in the US. They have a wonderful shopping center where you can buy crafts, foods, fine jewelry or sip espresso in a great coffee shop, Wolves' Den, while listening to great music.

I happened to become friends with a woman who gave me some advice about establishing good relationships that I think is true anywhere you go. She said when you want to create a good relationship it is important that you bring along something that you have made especially to give to the other person. It could be something baked or beaded or a poem – just something that you personally create. Then the other person can see you are serious about the connection.

I think this is great advice. Certainly each culture is very different but the spirit of gift-giving is the same, Finding out how each builds friendships before you show up at the door is worth its weight in gold.

What kinds of gift-giving advice do you have?

Etiquette question: Advice from my mother-in-law

If you can't say something nice about someone, don't say anything at all. Such was the topic of discussion between my mother-in-law, Bob and I. We had just come from my relatives and were discussing how we can all get along together. Her mother taught her this and she brought it up to summarize her feelings about the problems of ethnic tensions. I thought it was great advice.

So many times I think of etiquette in terms of entertaining, and of course, etiquette is all about good manners. We Americans have a lot of good adages deeply entrenched in our culture. I think, at least I have, forgotten a lot of them but it would be wonderful to use them again as part of our outreach to show other people that we Americans know about good manners.

Good Idea:

I think we need to introduce into our societies, around the world, a new ethic – an ethic of coexistence. There are a multitude of ethnic groups in our neighborhoods, in our cities and countries and we all need to get along. None of us can go back to what was, so we need to find the way forward, together. Whatever civilization was before, from now on the essence of genuine civilization needs to be where we focus on the importance of self-mastery rooted in an empathetic awareness of others. That to lose sight of others is to become fundamentally desensitized to human feeling. By recognizing the importance of this kind of self-mastery will bring our humanity to fruition.

Please send your thoughts, questions and answers and good ideas to Stephanie Tansey at talk@aafsw.org.