A Conversation with a Palestinian Woman

Let's look into the relationship between Muslim women and their husbands. What is a family like these days? I met one woman through the Interreligious Coordinating Council in Israel (ICCI). We have become friends and she agreed to clue us in.

Sana Atari is a Palestinian woman who lives in a middle class neighborhood called Beit Hanina in East Jerusalem. She is the mother of two children. Her husband is a lecturer at Al-Quds University which is an Arab university. Sana teaches Arabic in a local school in Jerusalem. She has a master's degree in education and is pursuing her PhD as well.

I asked Sana to talk about her relationship with her husband, to tell me five things she likes about him. She said that he is well educated, listens and understands me; never shouts, likes the children and supports my life, education and career.

“Arab husbands are very warm with their families. Of course we have bad husbands just like you do in the US, she said,but most Arab men have a very warm relationship with their children and with their wives.” . “Prophet Mohammed,was very kind to his family, to his wives, daughters and sons. And we follow him in this.”

We talked about the woman's headress, the hijab. She said it was not a backward custom but actually expressed a woman's relationship with God, not with men. It also protects her from men. When I asked why men cannot be asked to control themselves. She said she doesn't know why men are the way they are. We agreed that in the US there are many cases of rape and sexual abuse, yet the perpetrators come from a Christian background and raised with the Ten Commandments, one of which is the rule forbidding adultery. Perhaps it is like this with Arab men. Sana said that when men are domineering and abusive it is because they are, and that it is important to separate the man from the tenents of the religion.

I told her a story about a Turkmen Muslim family. The husband was a drug addict and didn't provide for the family. The wife finally refused to feed him, since he was not fulfilling his responsibility. The result was that he died. Great, Sana said, because he would have killed all of the family by his lack of responsibility. I thought it was interesting that an Arab woman would have the same reaction as a Turkmen because although Turkmen are Muslim, Islam in Turkmenistan is colored by Central Asian Turkic culture and so there are differences.

We talked about the more traditional family. She thinks these women are just as happy being mothers as she is having a career. These women wear very expensive jewelry and bright and daring clothes inside the traditional clothes. They do not complain nor do they wish they had more independence but actually like their traditional roles.

She comes from a traditional family. Her father was a businessman and very kind to his family. The difference between her mother and Sana, she says, is that Sana will argue with her husband and her mother did not. We agreed this was similar to other traditional cultures in the world that are modernizing.

What made her change from the traditional family she was raised in? “Contact with other civilizations, through education, culture, computer, television, books and newspapers,” she said.

At the end I asked her what she wished for her children. She wants them to be able to choose how to live their lives. I asked her about her relationship with her father and she said it was a wonderful one, even though she wanted to be educated. She translated a quote from a wide-spread saying of the Prophet: “He who has a daughter and educates her well, and raises her with good values, she will shield him from the fire of the Resurrection in heaven.”

Would you like to get to know a Palestinian woman? Would you like to ask her some questions?

Dialogue Skills:

“This is part of what I consider dialogue – for people to realize what is on each other's minds without coming to any conclusions or judgments. In a dialogue we have to sort of weigh the question a little, ponder it a little, feel it out.” David Bohm on Dialogue

Outreach Idea: Interfaith dialogue
Why not build bridges towards inter-civilizational coexistence? There are many interfaith discussions going on around the world and in the United States. Here in Israel, the Interreligious Coordinating Council in Israel (ICCI) is an umbrella organization for many who are creating understanding between religious faiths. They have discussion groups around the country. I am sure that in your area there are discussions going on as well. What a wonderful way to meet interesting people, talk about commonalities, and learn to see things from another's perspective. And a great way for other nationalities to understand how American think as well. We all have stereotypes that we need to break after all.

Etiquette: Lending a helping hand
My husband and I were at an Israeli/Arab town and got lost on the way to a school where he needed to give a brief speech to 600 students and staff who were part of a Good Water Neighbors project. We asked a man how to get there and he got into his car and drove us to the school – a good ten minutes by car. How nice of him to go to so much trouble. People really do go out of their way to help.

Good Idea:
Save money, save the environment and clean away dirt and grime. Use vinegar! Instead of all those expensive products that are bad for the environment, I use vinegar for my bathroom and my kitchen. It is even great cleaning the bath tub ring and hard water deposits. It is great on metalic oven tops.