Some ideas for Your Valentine
I am always interested in how women of other culture feel about their relationship with the men in their lives. They think of things that I wouldn't. We in the US, believe in the value of women, but at times we forsake relationship-building for making sure we are all equal. This goes for relationships of all types, of course.
I was recently in Amman, Jordan and came across a Jordanian women's magazine, Living Well (February 2005) and thought I would share some of the insights. It was an article about how to keep your valentine happy. Here are some of the better ideas:

1.Be giving and kind, without being calculating or keeping score.
2.Don't be afraid to disagree; have your own ideas and speak your mind. You can always do this in a diplomatic way – practice tactfulness and get your message across.
3.Show independence and inner strength. Inner strength is what strengthens a marriage, a family, and a home.
4.Communicate. Without communication, a gap grows between you and you drift apart.
5.Try not to go to sleep unreconciled. Negative feelings tend to grow out of proportion during the night.
6.Respect each other's space. No matter how in love you are, you both need space.
7.Admiration in a marriage is very important. It's not just about love. If you admire his way of thinking and his work, let him know.
8.Remember jealousy is unflattering, from both sides.
9.You need to be clever enough to find out how much emotion your man needs. Most men need a lot of emotion, while some don't like to get very emotional and prefer receiving attention in more practical ways.
10. Believe in him.
11. Don't keep score on things being said or done between you. At the same time, let him know quickly if anything is bothering you.
12.Notice the good things your husband does and let him know that you appreciate them.
13.Traditional husband/wife roles handed down to us are limiting – both emotionally and spiritually. Nurture the spirit of partnership at all levels.
14.Make sure he knows what makes you happy; otherwise he'll never have the taste of happiness.
15. Gibran said it; for in marriage “let the winds of the heavens dance between you.”


And the MEN felt THEY really want their wives to:
1.To be self-confident; beauty is not in a magazine, it's when you feel proud of yourself.
2.Not to argue with me, when I'm angry; wait till I calm down.
3.Give your husband a lot of love and affection, and you will receive exactly that in much higher doses, sometimes more than you can handle. Basically, treat him the same way you would like to be treated.
Of course there were silly and more intimate things on both sides but you will have to read the publication to find out.
It was my husband who pointed out the article to me so you can imagine that I have read it quite thoroughly and in fact, have begun to implement some of the ideas. So there is at least one American man who agrees with the article and I asked an Israeli man and he too agreed with many of them as well. Happy hunting!
Dialogue Skills:
There is an organization called National Coalition for Dialogue and Deliberation (NCDD) which has lots of tips for good dialogue. Indeed dialogue is becoming a whole field, just like conflict resolution, and others. One of their programs, The De-Polarization of America, use dialogue and deliberation principles to tackle the intense polarization that is currently dividing the US and includes The September Project, Let's Talk America, PBS Deliberation Day, Calling the Question and the “We the People” National Convention. Check it out at www.ncdd.org.

Outreach Idea:
As an educator I support the Earth Charter, an international document of principles for building a just and sustainable global community. So I created the Earth Charter Dinner Dialogues and invite people with divergent interests and skills to come to them. We have great conversations about what we can do to make a difference. It enables Bob and I to see how people here feel about the world. You might have a particular interest. You could build your outreach in the same way.

Etiquette:
Just substitute Jerusalem Artichokes for potatoes in your next batch of Rosemary Roast Potatoes and you have a wonderfully and delicious variation on a great crowd pleaser.

Good Idea:
If you are looking for a great doorstop, I was in a home yesterday and my hostess had taken a wonderful ethnic bag, filled it with dirt, and was using it as a doorstop for the kitchen swinging door. It looked great. I never think of things like that.