Trying to Turn the Page

This weekend some Israeli-American friends arrived for a homecoming from Miami. They made me realize how important these next few years will be here in Israel.

These friends are wonderful, kind and generous people. They are now Americans but they love their home country as well of course. Yet they were not at all nationalistic. We went to the husband's kibbutz north of Tel Aviv and he showed us the Arab villages in the West Bank which was all of a mile and a half east of the kibbutz. He still has family on the kibbutz and showed how deeply he cared about them. But he didn't have any fear or hostility towards these Arabs. In fact in Miami they were friends with Palestinian Arabs who lived in those West Bank villages close by.

We spoke about a recent incident in which two Arab boys managed to get through the Barrier Wall into an Israeli Jewish village. There was widespread panic and the schools were closed. We thought about what brings about such a dramatic response. It must be difficult to live so close to people you consider the enemy.

Many Israeli Jews, Israeli Arabs and Palestinians also don't know a lot about each another. There is a lot of information available, in books and on the Internet. Unfortunately once you have already formed an opinion about the “Other,” you don't go reading things to make sure your opinion is right. If you talk to people, you talk with people who feel the same way you do.

There are people who have already gotten beyond the tension. My Israeli Arab friend in the Western Galilee has a good friend in a Jewish village not far away. They are both passionate environmentalists and work together on projects creating sustainable development. They became friends because of their love for their work. And coexistence has become part of this work. In November they will put an olive harvest festival together. I am sure there are other examples of these small seeds of change as well.

There are small acts of kindness and understanding that we can do as well.

For example, I have two Earth Charter discussion groups to which Israeli Jews and Arabs attend. One focuses on dialogue skills and has been operating for a year. We haven't talked about each other's culture, more about the need to create a sustainable community. Sometimes NOT talking about a subject creates compatibility. Sure enough, one Israeli Jew has suggested that we begin learning more about Arab culture. And of course we are going to do just that.

And just in talking with Arabs and Jews we can add a small moment of friendship. We have our own diversity and occupation struggles in the US, after all, so we can be empathetic. Or we can express our belief that such great cultures can find their way to peace. Peace in the Middle East is in everyone's best interest. If you have any other ideas, I'd be pleased to include in my articles.

Dialogue Skills:
Silence is such an important tool in dialogue. Most cultures are much more quieter than we are. We are taught to say what we think when we think it. However getting yourself to allow time for reflection in a conversation between two people can be a wonderful way to deepen that relationship. To hear that someone has just spent time thinking of what you said is quite rewarding. Try it on your child or your husband too. It works wonders.

Etiquette:
RSVP – it seems to me to be a no-brainer to respond to invitations, but these days many of the most simple acts of good manners seem to going by the wayside. Many people just don't bother to respond one way or the other. Yet whether we realize it or not, our actions create what we want our society to be. Such acts of respect, like answering an invitation, is one way we weave that society. If we want a better society, we need to build that society based of acts of respect for others. Even if you are dealing with a culture different from our American culture, you can advance our standing in the world more by showing other cultures that we are respectful people than by demonstrating how casual you can be.

Good Idea:
I've started a Women's Forum group in my community. It is very simple. Some Israeli friends and I decided we wanted an evening to share our creative pursuits and thoughts about the world, and to help build community amongst ourselves.. So we meet once a month in someone's home for a couple of hours. People share poems or ideas or experiences and the facilitator blends all of the contributions together into a wonderful synthesis. It is great fun and everyone looks forward to the next one.